Read our Review of Wild Wild West
(to West) "An armed Negro cowboy costume in a room full of white Southern former slave owners. You'll win first prize!"
- Artemus,
Wild Wild West
"Why ya'll look like you're seeing a ghost. It's me, dear friends, alive and kicking -- well alive, anyway! We may have lost the war but heaven knows we haven't lost our sense of humor. No, not even when we lost a lung, a spleen, a bladder, two legs, 35 feet of small intestines and our ability to reproduce all in the name of the South! Do we ever lose our sense of humor?"
- Dr. Arliss Loveless,
Wild Wild West
(to West) "Mr. West, how nice of you to join us tonight and add color to these monochromatic proceedings."
- Dr. Arliss Loveless,
Wild Wild West
(to West about Gen. McGraf) "I haven't seen him in a coon's age."
- Dr. Arliss Loveless,
Wild Wild West
"We may not have a woodshed on board but that boy is gonna get a whuppin' anyway!"
- Dr. Arliss Loveless,
Wild Wild West
(to Loveless, who does not exist from the waist down) "I could see why it would be difficult for a man of your stature to keep in touch with even half the people you know."
- James West,
Wild Wild West
(to Loveless, who does not exist from the waist down) "Well, when a fellow comes back from the dead I expect him to stand up and be counted."
- James West,
Wild Wild West
(to his lynch mob) "Never drum on a white lady's boobies at a big red neck dance."
- James West,
Wild Wild West
(as he is about to be hung) "Let's break down that word redneck. First word is red, the color of passion, fire and power. Second word, neck...all right I can't think of anything for neck but you still got red and that's something to be proud of. And between us, that whole slavery thing -- I just don't know what the big deal was anyway. Who wouldn't want folks running around for them doing chores. I mean are you going to get your big fat ass out of bed and pick your own damn cotton?"
- James West,
Wild Wild West