"You're the Milli Vanilli of patriots, OK? You lied about fighting in the Vietnam War. It's like…it's like punching the American flag in the face, goddammit!"
- Cody,
Tropic Thunder
(after blowing up a row of palm trees with napalm) "Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit!"
- Cody,
Tropic Thunder
"Damian, what's the dealie dude? Are we gonna blow up this tree line or what? Tuk-Tuk and Kim got the blue balls and I wanna let em squirt it for a go. Peter, can he hear me?"
- Cody,
Tropic Thunder
(right before he detonates a huge line of explosives in the forest) "BIG ASS TITTIES!"
- Cody,
Tropic Thunder
(rigging a bridge with explosives) "That's it! I'm going into catering after this!"
- Cody,
Tropic Thunder
"That's C-4, dipshit. Put that back. I said a detonator! I need some dudes who speak American goddammit! He's making a f***ing sweater here, I'm tryin' to put Tiger Balm on this jungle's nuts."
- Cody,
Tropic Thunder
(to Four Leaf) "Yeah, you're the Milli Vanilli of patriots, okay? You lied about fighting in the Vietnam War. It's like - it's like punching the American Flag in the face goddammit!"
- Cody,
Tropic Thunder
"I don't wanna come off as weird but, uh, I might be your biggest fan. Yup."
- Cody,
Tropic Thunder
"Alpa, if you untie me, I will literally suck your dick right now…I’ll cradle the balls…stroke the shaft…work the pipe…and swallow the gravy…Get it over here, buddy, let’s do this"
- Jeff Portnoy,
Tropic Thunder
"Let's move! We only have 16 hours before they wake up! "
- Jeff Portnoy,
Tropic Thunder
"Everybody knows you never go full retard. "
- Kirk Lazarus,
Tropic Thunder
"Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, 'Rain Man,' look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic, sure. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump.' Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and won a ping-pong competition. That ain't retarded. Peter Sellers, 'Being There.' Infantile, yes. Retarded, no. You went full retard, man. Never go full retard. You don't buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, I Am Sam.' Remember? Went full retard, went home empty handed... "
- Kirk Lazarus,
Tropic Thunder
"I don't read the script. The script reads me."
- Kirk Lazarus,
Tropic Thunder
"I know what dude I am. I'm the dude playing the dude, disguised as another dude."
- Kirk Lazarus,
Tropic Thunder
"It took a whole lot of trying, just to get up that hill, now we're in the big leagues, getting our turn at bat, as long as we live, It's you and me baby, there ain't nothing.....Man, just cause it's a theme song don't make it not true."
- Kirk Lazarus,
Tropic Thunder
"It's Hollywood, man! Everyone turns gay at some point."
- Kirk Lazarus,
Tropic Thunder
"Man, I don't drop character 'til I done the DVD commentary. "
- Kirk Lazarus,
Tropic Thunder
(defending Crocodile Dundee) "Pump your brakes, kid. That man's a national treasure."
- Kirk Lazarus,
Tropic Thunder
"You know back before the war broke out I was a saucier in San Antone. I bet I could collar up some of them greens, yeah, some crawfish out the paddy, yo! Ha! I'm makin some crabapples for dessert now, yo! Hell yeah, ha!...I get excited about my foods, man."
- Kirk Lazarus,
Tropic Thunder
"Great. Let me get this down. 100 million. Oh, wait! I got a better idea. Instead of a hundred million, how about I send you a hobo's dick cheese? Then, you kill him. Do your thing. Skin the f***ing bastard. Go to town, man. Go to town! In the meantime and as usual, go f*** yourself."
- Les Grossman,
Tropic Thunder
"I couldn't have done it without you...No, dickhead. Of course I could. A nutless monkey could do your job. Now go get drunk and take credit at all the parties...joking...But seriously, a nutless monkey could do your job."
- Les Grossman,
Tropic Thunder
"I don't know what kind of Pan Pacific bullsh** power play you're trying to pull here, but Asia Jack is my territory. So whatever you're thinking, you'd better think again. Otherwise I'm gonna have to head down there and I will rain down in a Godly f***ing firestorm upon you! You're gonna have to call the f***ing United Nations and get a f***ing binding resolution to keep me from f***ing destroying you. I'm talking about a scorched earth, motherf***er! I will massacre you. I will f*** you up!!"
- Les Grossman,
Tropic Thunder
"Now, I want you to take a step back...and literally f** your own face."
- Les Grossman,
Tropic Thunder
"This is when the job gets fun! Ask and you shall receive. You play ball, we play ball. I know you want the goodies...You paying attention? I'm talking...G5, Pecker! That's how you can roll. No more frequent flyer bitch miles for my boy! Oh yeah! Playa! playa! Big dick playa!...Or you can grow a conscience in the next five minutes and see where that takes you."
- Les Grossman,
Tropic Thunder
"What you gotta do is pull down their pants and spank their ass, you spank it."
- Les Grossman,
Tropic Thunder
"You? You! Hit that director in the face, really f***ing hard!"
- Les Grossman,
Tropic Thunder
(as Simple Jack) "Mama, I'll see you again tonight in my head movies. But this head movies makes my eyes rain."
- Tugg Speedman,
Tropic Thunder