"Anyone who wants to be a can't-hack-it pantywaist who wears their mama's bra, raise your hand. "
- Benny Rodriguez,
The Sandlot
"You're killing me, Smalls!"
- Ham Porter,
The Sandlot
(trying to distract Phillips, who is at bat) "Is that your sister out there in left field, naked? She's naked?...Hey, hey, hey, I'm just trying to start a friendly conversation, come on…Think she'll go out with me?"
- Ham Porter,
The Sandlot
"All right, now pay attention. First you take the graham, you stick the chocolate on the graham. Then you roast the mallow. When the mallow's flaming, you stick it on the chocolate. Then cover with the other end. Then you scarf. Kind of messy, but good."
- Ham Porter,
The Sandlot
"Count on it, pee-drinking crap-face!"
- Ham Porter,
The Sandlot
"Moron!...Butt sniffer!...Fart smeller!...You mix your Wheaties with your mama's toe jam!...You play ball like a giiirrrrrrrrl!"
- Ham Porter,
The Sandlot
"PLAY BALL! Hurry up, batter. This better be a short game, I gotta get home for lunch."
- Ham Porter,
The Sandlot
"This pop isn't working, Benny! I'm baking like a toasted Cheese-It, it's so hot here! "
- Ham Porter,
The Sandlot
"What'd you say, crap face?"
- Ham Porter,
The Sandlot
"You call that pitching? This is baseball, not tennis!"
- Ham Porter,
The Sandlot
"If you'da been thinkin you wouldn't of thought that."
- Michael 'Squints' Palledorous,
The Sandlot
"It's about time Benny, my clothes are going outta style."
- Michael 'Squints' Palledorous,
The Sandlot
"I've been coming here every summer of my adult life, and every summer there she is oiling and lotioning, lotioning and oiling, smiling. I can't take this no more!"
- Michael 'Squints' Palledorous,
The Sandlot
"Baseball was life! And I was good at it. Real good."
- Mr. Mertle,
The Sandlot
(finding out Smalls lost a baseball autographed by Babe Ruth) "I take it back. You're not in trouble, you're dead where you stand."
- Mr. Mertle,
The Sandlot
"Michael Squints Palledorous walked a little taller that day. And we had to tip our hats to him. He was lucky she hadn't beat the CRAP out of him. We wouldn't have blamed her. What he'd done was sneaky, rotten, and low. And cool. Not another one among us would have ever in a million years even for a million dollars have the guts to put the moves on the lifeguard. He did. He had kissed a woman. And he had kissed her long and good. We got banned from the pool forever that day. But every time we walked by after that, the lifeguard looked down from her tower, right over at Squints, and smiled."
- Narrator,
The Sandlot
"It's easy when you play with rejects and a fat kid, Rodriguez."
- Phillips,
The Sandlot
"Tomorrow. Noon, at our field. Be there, buffalo-butt breath."
- Phillips,
The Sandlot
"We play on a real diamond, Porter. You ain't good enough to lick the dirt off our cleats."
- Phillips,
The Sandlot
"You shouldn't be allowed to touch a baseball. Except for Rodriguez, you're all an insult to the game."
- Phillips,
The Sandlot
(Benny: "Man, you think too much! I bet you get straight A's and shit!") "No, I got a B once. Well, actually it was an A minus but it should have been a B."
- Scotty Smalls,
The Sandlot
(Ham: 'Hey, Smalls, you wanna s'more?') "Some more of what? (Ham: "No, do you wanna s'more?" I haven't had anything yet, so how can I have some more of nothing?"
- Scotty Smalls,
The Sandlot
(Mom: 'Honey, I want you to make some friends this summer, lots of them.') "Yeah, I know. But I'm not good at anything, mom. Face it, I'm just an A kid."
- Scotty Smalls,
The Sandlot
"Let me tell you something kid. Everybody gets one chance to do something great. Most people never take the chance, either because they're too scared, or they don't recognize it when it spits on their shoes."
- The Babe,
The Sandlot
"Remember kid, there's heroes and there's legends. Heroes get remembered but legends never die. Follow your heart, kid, and you'll never go wrong."
- The Babe,
The Sandlot
"Smalls, you mean to tell me you went home, swiped a ball that was signed by BABE RUTH, brought it out here and actually played with it?"
- Timmy Timmons,
The Sandlot