"You're killing me, Smalls!" - Ham Porter, The Sandlot
(trying to distract Phillips, who is at bat) "Is that your sister out there in left field, naked? She's naked?...Hey, hey, hey, I'm just trying to start a friendly conversation, come on…Think she'll go out with me?" - Ham Porter, The Sandlot
"All right, now pay attention. First you take the graham, you stick the chocolate on the graham. Then you roast the mallow. When the mallow's flaming, you stick it on the chocolate. Then cover with the other end. Then you scarf. Kind of messy, but good." - Ham Porter, The Sandlot
"Count on it, pee-drinking crap-face!" - Ham Porter, The Sandlot
"Moron!...Butt sniffer!...Fart smeller!...You mix your Wheaties with your mama's toe jam!...You play ball like a giiirrrrrrrrl!" - Ham Porter, The Sandlot
"PLAY BALL! Hurry up, batter. This better be a short game, I gotta get home for lunch." - Ham Porter, The Sandlot
"This pop isn't working, Benny! I'm baking like a toasted Cheese-It, it's so hot here! " - Ham Porter, The Sandlot
"What'd you say, crap face?" - Ham Porter, The Sandlot
"You call that pitching? This is baseball, not tennis!" - Ham Porter, The Sandlot