Read our Review of The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard
(talking to his salesmen) "We've got to do something. I've had this lot 27 years and it's dying right before my eyes. We either do something drastic or we pull the plug. I'm thinking about calling a "hot shot,", a "weekend warrior." I was thinking about calling a mercenary."
- Ben Selleck,
The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard
(this is his bogus TV commercial designed to get out the "pity" buyers) "I started selling motors almost 40 years ago and I've had a good run at my dealership and in life. But now I'm dying, Temecula, I've got cancer of the 'nads' but before I die I want to see one last 4th of July blowout so my family and I are asking you to come on down to Selleck Motors and buy one last car from us before I'm dead."
- Ben Selleck,
The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard
(bragging to his boss about the sale he made just before the bank bag explodes with blue dye) "Mr. Selleck, I think that I just made a sale. And he wants to pay in cash in non-sequential bills and he even packed them in this canvas bag."
- Car Salesman,
The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard
(getting the sales team pepped up for the day) "You know, I never much cared for Jews, queers or f*****g Eskimos but that's just the way I was brought up. I just wanted to put that out there."
- Dick Lewiston,
The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard
(first time he meets Ivy Selleck) "And this must be Ivy. Wow. Can I ask you a quick question? How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice. Don Ready, how are you? Ha, ha, I went old school with you."
- Don 'The Goods' Ready,
The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard
(complaining to Don about working so much) "Don, I don't mean to complain but it's been a year and a half since I've been home and I'm 90% sure I left my front door open."
- Jibby Newsome,
The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard
(explaining what a Nigerian buy back is) "A guy takes a customer's trade-in and twenty minutes later sells it right back to said customer at a mark up."
- Jibby Newsome,
The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard
(urging Ivy to hustle up so they can go on their lunch date) "We've got lunch with my Mom in like two seconds. We've got to hurry, she'll be drunk in about fifteen so giddy up."
- Paxton Harding,
The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard