"I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger." - Cal Naughton Jr., Talladega Nights
"I like to picture Jesus as a figure skater. He wears like a white outfit, and He does interpretive ice dances of my life's journey." - Cal Naughton Jr., Talladega Nights
"So when you say psychosomatic, you mean like he could start a fire with his thoughts?" - Cal Naughton Jr., Talladega Nights
"I tell you what, Ricky, you are truly blessed. These two are two in a million, just like Carley's ta-tas. You won't find another rack like that, I guarantee it." - Cal Naughton Jr., Talladega Nights
"I had a dream where Jesus was a dirty old bum, and I was about to sock him in the face because, well, he's a dirty old bum, but then I thought, there's something special about him. ("Because he was Jesus, right?") Yeah." - Cal Naughton Jr., Talladega Nights
"There is something I want to get off my chest. It's about that summer, when you went away to community college. I got an offer to do Playgirl Magazine, and I did it. I did a full spread for Playgirl Magazine. I mean spread man, I pulled my butt apart and stuff. I was totally nude. it was weird, I-- I mean you probably didn't hear about it because I went under the name of Mike Honcho. But I just wanted you to know that. If you can hear me, if it got into your brain somehow. That I spread my buttcheeks as Mike Honcho." - Cal Naughton Jr., Talladega Nights
"I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party." - Cal Naughton Jr., Talladega Nights
"I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagle's wings, and singing lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm hammered drunk!" - Cal Naughton Jr., Talladega Nights