"Oh I love your suits. It must have been a bitch to get a 68 Extra Fat and a 12 Dwarf."
- Bandit Darville,
Smokey and the Bandit
(asked by Carrie why her handle is "Frog") "Because you're always hopping around. And kinda you're cute, like a frog. And I wanna jump ya. "
- Bandit Darville,
Smokey and the Bandit
"Before I tell you where I am, Sheriff, there's just one thing I wanna say. You must be part coon dog, 'cause I've been chased by the best of them, and son, you make 'em look like they're all runnin' in slow motion. I just wanna say that."
- Bandit Darville,
Smokey and the Bandit
"For the good old American lifestyle. For the money, for the glory, and for the fun. Mostly for the money."
- Bandit Darville,
Smokey and the Bandit
(Cledus Snow: "You can't drive a fork lift.") "I can drive any forkin' thing around."
- Bandit Darville,
Smokey and the Bandit
(has just used a broken bridge to jump a river, and Carrie: "That was great! I want to jump something else! I want to jump a car, or a house, anything!") "Then jump me!"
- Bandit Darville,
Smokey and the Bandit
(Cledus Snow: "Besides, I can't go with you. I got to go to Conyers in the morning and pick up a load of manure.") "Um, shitty job."
- Bandit Darville,
Smokey and the Bandit
"Any fool who would paint his truck like this would show up at a minister's funeral dressed in feathers."
- Big Enos,
Smokey and the Bandit
"Well, thank you, Mr. Bandit. And as the pursuer, may I say you're the goddamnedest pursuee I've ever pursued. Now that the mutual bullshit is over, WHERE ARE YOU, YOU SOMBITCH?"
- Buford T. Justice,
Smokey and the Bandit
"Do what I say you pile o' monkey nuts!"
- Buford T. Justice,
Smokey and the Bandit
"Duck, or you're gonna be talkin' out yo ass!"
- Buford T. Justice,
Smokey and the Bandit
"Give me a diablo sandwich, a Dr. Pepper, and make it quick, I'm in a goddamn hurry."
- Buford T. Justice,
Smokey and the Bandit
"Hey boy, where is Sheriff Branford at? (Sheriff Branford: "I AM Sheriff Branford." Oh, pardon me. For some reason you sounded a little taller on radio."
- Buford T. Justice,
Smokey and the Bandit
(Junior: "My hat blew off, Daddy.") "I hope your goddamn head was in it."
- Buford T. Justice,
Smokey and the Bandit
(shouting at a trucker that has sheered a door off of Justice's patrol car) "I saw that, you sombitch! You did that on purpose! You're going away till you're gray! I got the evidence!"
- Buford T. Justice,
Smokey and the Bandit
"If they'd a cremated the sombitch. I could be kickin' that Mr. Bandit's ass around the moon by now."
- Buford T. Justice,
Smokey and the Bandit
"If you're gonna hang out in places like this, wear a badge on your didey"
- Buford T. Justice,
Smokey and the Bandit
"I'm gonna barbeque yo' ass in molasses!"
- Buford T. Justice,
Smokey and the Bandit
"My handle is Smokey Bear and I'm tail grabbin' your ass right now!"
- Buford T. Justice,
Smokey and the Bandit
"Nobody, and I mean NOBODY makes Sheriff Buford T. Justice look like a possum's pecker. (Junior: "Except for that-") Shut your ass."
- Buford T. Justice,
Smokey and the Bandit
(Sheriff Branford: "The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation.") "The goddamn Germans got nothin' to do with it."
- Buford T. Justice,
Smokey and the Bandit
(to his son) "There's no way, NO way that you came from MY loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth!"
- Buford T. Justice,
Smokey and the Bandit
"This happens every time one of these floozies starts poontangin' around with those show folk fags."
- Buford T. Justice,
Smokey and the Bandit
"What we're dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law."
- Buford T. Justice,
Smokey and the Bandit
(Alabama State Trooper: "Did you see that? They went right through our roadblock!") "You sombitches couldn't close an umbrella!"
- Buford T. Justice,
Smokey and the Bandit
(shouting out of a restaurant to Junior waiting in the car) "You want something? (Junior: "Hushpuppies, Daddy!") We got no time for that crap! [mutters] Dumb sombitch."
- Buford T. Justice,
Smokey and the Bandit
"Cockburn, from now on my fist is going to be so far up your sh**hole that every time you have a thought, it's gonna have to tiptoe past my wedding ring."
- Carrie the Frog,
Smokey and the Bandit
(Bandit: 'Well, go girl, go!') "I'm goin' I'm goin! I got the metal to the pedal and the thing to the floor!"
- Carrie the Frog,
Smokey and the Bandit
(to Fred, his hound) "He about as crazy as you are ugly!"
- Cledus Snow,
Smokey and the Bandit
"I don't think my dog bit you, mister. 'Cause Fred definitely DON'T like grease!"
- Cledus Snow,
Smokey and the Bandit
"I just passed another Kojak with a Kodak, this place is crawling with bears, where the hell are you? (Bandit: "Snowman, you got your ears on?") You lucky devil, you got him! Where the hell are you?"
- Cledus Snow,
Smokey and the Bandit
(during the final chase, the motorcycle cop has landed in a ditch with water) "Son, don't you know this ain't Saturday?"
- Georgia,
Smokey and the Bandit
(waiting for the funeral procession) "Damn, he had a lot of friends, didn't he?"
- Junior Justice,
Smokey and the Bandit
"The only place that I can get hurt is out there. The world don't give a shit about me."
- Junior Justice,
Smokey and the Bandit
(Big Enos (regarding Bandit in a hammock): "Son, you're looking at a legend.") "I guess a legend and an out-of-work bum look a lot alike, Daddy."
- Little Enos,
Smokey and the Bandit