Read our Review of Pirate Radio
(telling a joke) "While I was swimming I came upon a squirrel who was doing the backstroke. I said, 'Mr. Squirrel, why are you swimming on your back?' 'Well, I swim on my back to keep my nuts dry.'"
- DJ,
Pirate Radio
(proposing a toast to Carl's mother at dinner) "Let's raise a glass to Carl's mother, wonderful Charlotte. It was a shag well shagged the night you made this litter (pointing to Carl)."
- Dr.Dave the DJ,
Pirate Radio
(whispering into the mic on his first time back on air) "Are you doing something dirty? Uh, are you doing something your parents don't know about? Are you breaking the rules? Open your knees and feel the breeze because Gavin's back - to stay!"
- Gavin,
Pirate Radio
(playing a group game where they admit embarassing experiences) "I've never been on a date with a girl and after sex thought she wouldn't notice if I let go with a little bit of wind and realized it wasn't wind - it was diarrhea."
- Gavin,
Pirate Radio
(reporting the breakup of Simon and Elenore's marriage) "Official sources were today sad to announce the separation of Simon Swafford and his wife, Elenore after just seventeen hours of marriage. It is understood they split because of musical differences."
- John,
Pirate Radio
(announcing a newly passed law) "In the House of Commons today a new Marine Offenses Act was passed unanimously. On midnight on New Year's Eve all pirate radio stations including, of course, Radio Rock, will be breaking the law."
- John,
Pirate Radio
( talking about shutting down Pirate Radio to his assistant) "You see, that's the whole point of being the government. If you don't like something you simply make up a new law that makes it illegal. Thinking of which, I think we might have to start working on new legislation to outlaw that haircut of yours. No one likes it apart from blind people and I am sure that even they can sense its profound ugliness as it passes by."
- Minister Dormandy,
Pirate Radio
(learning from his assistant that he has a way to put Radio Rock off the air) "Well done, Twatt! We have their testicles in our hands and it feels good!"
- Minister Dormandy,
Pirate Radio
(meeting his godson, Carl, on the boat Radio Rock) "Aha, Carl, my favorite godson! Have we met before? There was a lost decade so I always have to check."
- Quentin,
Pirate Radio
(getting to know his godson, Carl) "How's your Mom? She's a very attractive woman. Seriously, I mean, she's your mom but to people my age, she's a sexual legend."
- Quentin,
Pirate Radio
(addressing his employees) "The day has come. Tonight, Pirate Radio dies. From midnight we are a ghost ship floating without hope on cold, dark waters. You have done almighty work. Thank you."
- Quentin,
Pirate Radio
(making an announcement on the radio) "I am proud to announce that I will be the first person to say the 'F' word on rock and roll radio in the United Kingdom of Great Britain. My aim is not to offend, it is to entertain and also perhaps to educate a little. If you shoot a bullet, someone dies. If you drop a bomb, many die. If you hit a woman, love dies. But, if you say the 'F' word nothing actually happens. So, here it comes, especially for you, the 'F' word."
- The Count,
Pirate Radio
(responding to Quentin's comment that as a relult of the new law their work was done) "Not mine, sir. I'm an American citizen and I don't give a hootenanny goddam about your nitpicking Limey laws. I intend to broadcast from this ship 24 hours a day until the day I die and for a couple of days after that."
- The Count,
Pirate Radio
(Speaking on air for the last time as the ship is sinking) "To all our listeners, this is what I have to say, God bless you all! As for you bastards in charge, don't dream it's over. All over the world young men and young women will always dream and put those dreams into song."
- The Count,
Pirate Radio