"We're gonna be getting rid of these people here... First, Mr. Samir Naga... Naga... Naga... Not gonna work here anymore, anyway. "
- Bob Porter,
Office Space
"I'd like to move us right along to a Peter Gibbons. Now we had a chance to meet this young man, and boy that's just a straight shooter with upper management written all over him. "
- Bob Slydell,
Office Space
"I'm thinking I might take that new chick from Logistics. If things go well I might be showing her my O-face. 'Oh...Oh...Oh!' You know what I'm talkin' about. 'Oh!' "
- Drew,
Office Space
"And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire... "
- Milton Waddams,
Office Space
"Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler."
- Milton Waddams,
Office Space
"Excuse me? Excuse me, senor? May I speak to you please? I asked for a mai tai, and they brought me a pina colada, and I said no salt, NO salt for the margarita, but it had salt on it, big grains of salt, floating in the glass…"
- Milton Waddams,
Office Space
"I was told that I could listen to the radio at a reasonable volume from nine to eleven, I told Bill that if Sandra is going to listen to her headphones while she's filing then I should be able to listen to the radio while I'm collating so I don't see why I should have to turn down the radio because I enjoy listening at a reasonable volume from nine to eleven. "
- Milton Waddams,
Office Space
"I won't be leaving a tip, 'cause I could... I could shut this whole resort down. Sir? I'll take my traveler's checks to a competing resort. I could write a letter to your board of tourism and I could have this place condemned. I could put... I could put... strychnine in the guacamole. There was salt on the glass, BIG grains of salt. "
- Milton Waddams,
Office Space
"Mr. Lumbergh told me to talk to payroll and then payroll told me to talk to Mr. Lumbergh and I still haven't received my paycheck and he took my stapler and he never brought it back and then they moved my desk to storage room B and there was garbage on it... "
- Milton Waddams,
Office Space
"The ratio of people to cake is too big…"
- Milton Waddams,
Office Space
"[asked to describe a typical workday] Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, I use the side door. That way Lumbergh can't see me. After that I just sorta space out for about an hour...I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work. "
- Peter Gibbons,
Office Space
"[called a criminal] Yeah, well, that may be. But at least I never slept with Lumbergh."
- Peter Gibbons,
Office Space
"[told he's been missing a lot of work lately] I wouldn't say I've been *missing* it, Bob."
- Peter Gibbons,
Office Space
"Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really well. "
- Peter Gibbons,
Office Space
"Here's something else, Bob: I have eight different bosses right now...Eight, Bob. So that means that when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled; that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired. "
- Peter Gibbons,
Office Space
"I can't believe what a bunch of nerds we are. We're looking up 'money laundering' in a dictionary. "
- Peter Gibbons,
Office Space
"So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."
- Peter Gibbons,
Office Space
"The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care. "
- Peter Gibbons,
Office Space
"Well see, they wrote all this bank software, and, uh, to save space, they used two digits for the date instead of four. So, like, 98 instead of 1998? Uh, so I go through these thousands of lines of code and, uh... it doesn't really matter. I uh, I don't like my job, and, uh, I don't think I'm gonna go anymore."
- Peter Gibbons,
Office Space
"Look. I already told you. I deal with the goddamn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people? "
- Tom Smykowski,
Office Space