from My Name Is Earl
"I'm going to use this [police badge] for hassling white people to make up for three hundred years of racial injustice. Or maybe I'll just use it for Halloween." - Darnell, "Stole a Badge," My Name Is Earl
"Too bad it didn't thunder when you said that. That would have been cool. Like you're an evil genius or something." - Darnell, "BB," My Name Is Earl
"I can't believe there's a hole behind this [Jesus] picture. That's a relief. Last week it was banging on the wall and I thought Jesus was mad at me for putting that Darwin fish on the back of the car. I guess it was just windy." - Darnell, "BB," My Name Is Earl
"Worms don't fight. They're peaceful-loving people. They got five hearts." - Darnell, "BB," My Name Is Earl
"I hope I scrubbed that bat disease out of that toilet. If you start seeing with your ears and whatnot, get to a doctor." - Darnell, "Number One," My Name Is Earl
"Baby, I love that spray on stocking stuff. It makes your legs look hot and gets me a little high." - Darnell, "Sticks & Stones," My Name Is Earl
"I said [I love you] once when I thought she was dead. She was just past out from low blood sugar. I'm still glad I said it. Now they have her on insulin. Who knows when I'll get another chance." - Darnell, "Made a Lady Think I Was God," My Name Is Earl