At the Movies with Fatwayne

Yes, this is a remake of the 1985 film of the same name but this time they did it in 3D. If you like comedy, horror and vampires all jumping off the screen in your face then you should enjoy this offering.  It follows the original movie fairly closely but offers a few twists that adds a newness to it.

Colin Farrell plays the vampire, Jerry Dandrige.  Jerry is very charming but allows a certain amount of vileness to seep through his persona. In short, he exudes danger.  He is about to move into the house next door to real estate agent Jane Brewster (Toni Collette) and her teenage son Charley (Anton Yelchin).  They live in the suburbs of  Las Vegas on a quiet street where nothing unusual ever happens – that is until now.

Charley eventually learns Jerry’s true nature and suspects him of being the reason that many of his classmates are missing. All this time Jerry is attempting to charm Charley’s mom in an effort to be invited into their home. As we all know, a vampire can not cross your threshold unless invited.

The tension builds when Charley breaks into Jerry’s house seeking clues to all of the missing people. This was a particularly satisfying segment when Charley is hiding from Jerry and the audience just knows that vamps have super senses and yet Jerry isn’t aware of an intruder. (?) Well it turns out that he was indeed aware and merely playing with young Charley. This manifests itself in a most surprising way.

As one might expect, there is a final showdown between the forces of good and evil. And as one might further expect, things do not always work out as planned. This movie was a lot of fun and had its fair share of thrills to boot!

Rated – R -

Fatwayne’s Rating   

Colombiana is the name of a beautiful lily. It is also the calling card of an equally beautiful but deadly hit woman, Cataleya Restrepo (Amandla Stenberg). This particular calling card gets a lot of use as the dead bodies keep piling up in this action packed movie.

It is a movie of revenge sparked by the killing of Cataleya’s family which she witnesses as a nine year old schoolgirl. After the murder of her parents by the local drug lord the young girl manages to make her way to Chicago seeking help from her Uncle. This trek takes a little suspension of belief but she seems to surmount the odds and is united with her extended family. Uncle Emilio loves and wants to protect Cataleya but the girl is hell bent on revenge. Luckily for her, Emilio is less than a stand up citizen since he lives a life of crime. Emilio convinces the young Cataleya that if she really wants to become a killer she should go to school and learn all that she can so that she will learn the ways of the world and how to be successful in her chosen profession.

The film skips ahead to reveal a now grown up Cataleya (Zoe Saldana). While making a living killing people she finds time to exact her revenge on those responsible for murdering her family. She seems totally fitted to be a hit woman with cunning and viciousness aplenty and yet the movie finds time to reveal a more tender side of her.

The movie is chock full of baddies and lots of action. It should keep most of us interested and pleased that we decided to see Colombiana.

Rated  -  PG13  -

Fatwayne’s Rating  

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The Help is billed as a comedy/drama and to be truthful, it is. I found it to be more drama than comedy although there were some high spirited moments to be sure. You may never eat a chocolate pie again! The actors who embody the “help” are marvelous in their character and determination to fight back against the injustices they are forced to endure on a daily basis. This is an expose (so to speak) about racial relations in the South (Jackson, Mississippi) in the early 1960′s.

It is a story about the maids who work for the privileged white folks. They clean, they cook and most importantly, they raise their white babies as their own. Due to the fact that they are black, they are forbidden to use the inside toilets or to drink from the family’s water glasses. There are many more examples of how life was for them during that era which makes you wonder how this type of bigotry could occur.

One thing that irked me was the way the film seemed to lump all white people into a class with a privileged and heartless mentality. There is no doubt that such people existed and probably still do but I am dubious that the greater part of the caucasian society shared their sentiments. I know that growing up in the deep south I witnessed discrimination but I never harbored resentment to anyone just because of their skin pigment. 

The story centers around three women, two black maids and one white woman. Eugenia “Skeeter” Phelan (Emma Stone) is recently graduated from college and has aspirations to become a writer. She was raised by a maid and developed deep affection for the woman. She comes to discover that her beloved mother figure has been fired by her family so that they would look good to their high society friends. She gets the idea to write a book about what it is like to be a maid in Jackson.

After some bit of difficulty, Skeeter convinces Aibileen Clark (Viola Davis) and her friend Minny Jackson (Octavia Spencer)’ who are both African-American maids, to tell their stories. It isn’t too long before more of the maids decide to jump on board and share their tales.

Once the book is published, the “shit hits the fan” and many of the hoitytoity ladies see themselves depicted within the pages of the book as some of their most embarrassing secrets are revealed for all to see. So in the end some of the injustices are mended but as we all know, there will still be a lot of work to be done. I found it to be a most entertaining movie experience and one that ends on a light note which is just the way I like it.

Rated  -  PG13  -

Fatwayne’s Rating   

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This concept is rather confusing and it could only get worse if it were John Wayne & Pee Wee Herman.  Cowboys and six shooters verses Aliens and lasers? No chance for the old west even with the Indians helping them. But then again, this is the movies. It turns out that it is an interesting storyline with mystery coupled with action.

Jake Lonergan (Daniel Craig) wakes up the the New Mexico Territory in the 1800′s with amnesia and a freakish type of wound.  Adding to his confusion is the fact that he has a peculiar metal device adhered to his wrist. Jake wanders into the nearby town of Absolution where the Sheriff (Keith Carradine) recognizes him from a wanted poster. There is further friction between town bully Percy Dolarhyde (Paul Dano) and his influential and rich father, Col. Woodrow Dolarhyde (Harrison Ford). All of the manly posturing and tough talk vanishes when an alien ship appears and abducts some townspeople and shoots up the place. Enemies become friends and even the “Redskins” help out after first threatening to torture and kill the Cowpolks.

There are several plot twists that develop between the Cowboys and the Chiricahua Apaches not to mention  the gang from outer space. Jake becomes a central figure in the conflict due to the fact that he realizes the device on his arm is actually a powerful alien weapon. How it got there is a process that takes time to reveal to the audience. Before long there is a full out battle waged between the humans and whatever the heck is in those mini space ships.

Can mankind with spears and pistols defend themselves against the technologically advanced aliens? I would like to tell you how it all works out but I will not be a spoiler because I just know that you plan to see the movie.  Enjoy!

Rated – PG113  -

Fatwayne’s Rating 

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Talk about monkey business! This movie is all about monkeys – very smart monkeys.  The story shows us just how the hairy ones gained their intelligence and how they came to be dominant over mankind.  This film is a throw back to the original Planet of the Apes but is not a continuation of that franchise. This one sets the stage for a whole new series of Ape movies to follow. Will it work? I think so for two reasons. The story is both touching and exciting and can continue in practically any direction. Secondly, these apes are not like their cousins in the original series. This is due to motion capture technology and CGI. These creatures are absolutely believable.

The plot features a scientist, Will Rodman (James Franco) who is working toward a cure for Alzheimer’s disease. He uses a retrovirus which has been genetically engineered to test on chimpanzees. The virus surprisingly causes the chimps to acquire human like intelligence. Due to a dire set of circumstances all of the apes in the program are exterminated save for an infant. Will decides to take the baby home to raise it as his own. The chimp, Ceasar (Andy Serkis) flourishes in his new human environment and becomes a beloved family member especially to Will’s father Charles (John Lithgow) who is in the later stage of Alzheimer’s. Ceasar manages to get himself into trouble attempting to save a confused Charles from an abusive neighbor. He is taken away and confined in a primate facility.

In the interim, Will has been treating his father with the virus with considerable success. After a few years Charle’s immune system turns against the virus and his dementia returns with a vengeance. Seeking a solution to his father’s illness, Will creates an even more powerful form of the virus. Testing it on the lab apes he finds that it increases the intelligence of the apes even further. But alas, unbeknownst to Will, the virus proves fatal to humans.

So now the stage is set for our smart monkey, Ceasar, to escape his prison, steal the virus, free and empower his fellow hairy amigos. How he manages all of this is very clever and interesting and will not disappoint most any movie goers.

Unfortunately for the humans the virus gets into the public domain and proves to be very lethal indeed. The final outcome for mankind is left to be revealed in the sequel but the picture does not appear to be too rosy.

As mentioned previously,  this is a thought provoking movie adventure. It is also and action packed epic that should not disappoint. I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Rated – PG15 -

Fatwayne’s Rating  - 

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If someone or something is said to have “gone out in style” that phrase would be considered a high compliment. The latest and final installment of the Harry Potter series is now history after Deathly Hallows: Part 2 fades from the big screen. I am here to tell you that it certainly did indeed “go out in style” and, in fact, the grandest of style!

I would imagine that I am not unlike most other Potter fans who will truly miss Harry, Hermione and Ron as they fight evil in the form of Lord Voldemort. All of the magical creatures and wonderful scenery including Hogwarts and its ensuing staff will forever live in our minds. It has been a stupendous adventure and now that it has ended I am left feeling somewhat hollow. It was exciting through the years to wait for Rowling’s next book and then the next installment in the movie series. Alas, it is said the all good things must come to an end and so it has for Harry and the gang.

It was a good idea to wrap up the saga in two parts. To have done otherwise would have been an injustice. This final offering ties up many loose ends and questions some might have about a myriad of characters and circumstances. Everyone knows that only one can live (Harry or Voldemort) and that conclusion is presented with finality. The audience seemed to be most pleased with the final ending as evidenced by their applause.

Finally, the movie offered all of the action one could hope for. It offered true feelings among the characters and, unfortunately, the sadness of death. Special effects and CGI would have you believing that everything depicted on the screen was real when in actuality none of it was. The film can be summed up in one word “AMAZING”.

And so I bid farewell to Harry and Hogwarts and copiously thank author J. K. Rowling for sharing her vivid imagination and unlimited talents with us. Harry Potter will remain in my memories until the day that I die.

Rated PG 13

Fatwayne’s Rating  - 

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This is a 2004 TV movie that brings you right back to the 1950s with all of that mutant bug nonsense and, in fact, some of those very bugs appear in this movie. You may recall the giant ants, giant praying mantis, giant spider and just about any other giant bug you can think of. Well it’s all here along with Carmen Electra, Adam West, Nick Carter, Daniel Letterie and six youthful contest winners. Yes, they are treated to the trip of a lifetime on a resort island in Bermuda (can you say Bermuda Triangle?) accompanied by VJ’s and the whole works. The party starts out to be a rocking affair until the bugs show up.

Somehow between the effects of the Triangle and a radioactive chemical leak, nature’s revenge is unleashed upon our unsuspecting group. One of the first to go is Carmen (played by herself). Not knowing whether she is dead or alive a macho group is assembled to go in search of her. On this perilous quest they run into all manner of insect mayhem.

Luckily for the audience this film in intended to be a high camp, tongue-in-cheek sendoff of the old school “B” movies of the ’50s. If you are looking for great effects you can forget it. These creepy crawlers are as hokie as it gets. So you may be seeking fine acting and razor sharp dialogue. Forget it! Adam West (former Batman) delivers his lines just as he did in the old TV show (holy hole in a doughnut Batman!). This is the same old sci-fi/horror flick given a modern touch by adding some of today’s stars (?).

It delivers what it promises in that there are laughs to be had, that’s for sure. There is even a tribe of humans who are enslaved by the ant queen who have to be seen to be appreciated (the humans that is). This is on Netflix and so even if you hate yourself for renting it – what’s the big deal? You will probably hate yourself even more for laughing at some of the gags!

Rated  – PG  -

Fatwayne’s Rating

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 Vampires do indeed suck and some folks might think that this spoof of such movies sucks more! I do not happen to be among them. If you are familiar with this film genre you are much more likely to find the scenes and one liners funny. I sure did and, as is the case when I view a film on DVD, it is likely that I will have a martini or two to give me solace. Yeah, silly, old me laughing out loud at all of the ridiculousness and tomfoolery.

Although other Vamp movies take their lumps, it is the Twilight Saga trilogy that is parodied the most. This is fine with me since I thought the whole series was not much more then a spoof of bloodsuckers. Here we have Becca Crane (Jenn Proske) moving back to Sporks to live with her airhead father, Frank Crane (Diedrich Dader), who also happens to be the sheriff.  In a tender moment between father and daughter, Frank tells Becca “I guess it’s hard for me to accept that my little girl’s growing up. I mean look at the size of those tits”! By the way, her mother is absent from the scene since she if off having an affair with Tiger Woods.

Becca begins school and sees a mysterious student named Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter). Later he saves her from being crushed by a car. Becca can not explain how Edward was able to physically move so swiftly to rescue her and Edward refuses to explain. He warns her of the dangers of befriending him. After thinking about all of this, Becca arrives at the conclusion that Edward is, in fact, a Jonas Brother. A dim bulb this girl is! For a brief moment (before Edward leaves due to the dangers he brings into Becca’s life) they become romantic. Lying beside her he whispers into her ear “hearing you breathe is the greatest gift I’ve ever received” whereupon she lets loose with a loud fart! Oh my, isn’t that special?

With Edward gone, Becca soon finds comfort with her childhood friend Jacob (Christopher Riggi). She tells him that they will be going to school together. Jacob tells her that he goes to school on the reservation. Becca replies “Oh, it must be fun to gamble and drink all day”! Unfortunately, Jacob is going through a very strange puberty and when he runs with his pack of werewolves he transforms into a chihuahua. Very mean but not at all lethal.

Meanwhile we find Edward in Brazil dating Lady Gaga. He is led to believe that Becca has been killed by a band of roving vampires. In his despair (true Romeo and Juliet style)  he provokes the powerful vampire coven, the Zolturi, to kill him. I would like to say that the rest is history with a fairy tale ending and it might very well be. I guess you will just have to see it yourself. Enjoy but don’t expect to be mentally challenged.

Rating  -   PG13   -

Fatwayne’s Rating   -  

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Okay, this one definitely slipped by me. My thanks go out to my nephew, Kyle. OMG! This is the worst/best low budget “B” movie that you could ever imagine. It cost $3,500 to make!!!!!!! I kid you not. The actors performed for free and the special effects are non existent. Despite all of this it is a very funny movie but it is even funnier after a martini or two (maybe three).

The story is about a demonic and “fowl” mouthed turkey who has been necromanced centuries ago by an Indian curse as a result of a slight against the Native Americans by the English Puritans. This is one sick bird! Murderous and full of one liners that will keep you laughing. I only wish that I had a list of his quotes. The movie starts out with a bare breasted Puritan (WTF!), namely porn queen Wanda Lust, running for her life from the beastly bird who just before killing her, compliments her by saying “nice tits bitch” (he must be a breast bird!). It seems that this rotten turkey has it in for any white folk.

All is right in the world until a dog named Flashy decided to pee upon an Indian artifact. This awakens our sick turkey since he apparently does not appreciate being pissed on. Woe to he who lets loose on our demonic turkey!

Wrapped up in all of this is a group of college students who are on their way home for the Thanksgiving holiday. Their car suffers mechanical troubles and as a result they have to camp out in the turkey’s domain. The funny part is that these presumably intelligent beings can’t find a brain between the bunch of them. That makes it all the more fun. Who will survive the wrath of the killer turkey and if any can live through this hellish experience, can they destroy this 510 year old curse? By the way, I did not do the math on this fiasco!

Special effects are totally absent. The turkey is a plastic head with a bad case of plumage.  What makes this movie is the one liners delivered by this “cracker jack” bozo. Also the totally vapid intellect of the college students lend to the “I wish I had another drink” feel to this movie.

Look for the “beakquel” because he always comes back for seconds!  In the words of our eloquent turkey, “gobble, gobble mother f####r”!

Rated  – NR -

Fatwayne’s Rating  -    -

Do you want to have some fun in the heat of the summer? If so, why don’t you spend two and one half hours being entertained in a big way by the fighting robots? The Autobots and their arch enemy the Decepticons are at it again in this final series of the franchise. The first portion of the movie features a lot of jokes and silliness which only adds to the movie’s charm. The latter portion is non stop action/adventure. Don’t misunderstand me,  there is action galore from the very beginning before climaxing into a battle royal of nearly indestructible, intelligent machines.

Once again the Autobots are in alliance with mankind and are pretty much going about trying to keep us humans from destroying ourselves and our planet at the same time. The movie starts out in the early 60s when our government realizes that a spacecraft (Cybertronian) has crashed on the far side of Earth’s moon. Our leaders want to beat the Russians to the crash site at all costs. That is why the U.S. went to the moon in the first place. What, you didn’t know that?

It becomes evident to our young hero, Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) that the Decepticons had decades earlier raided the site and left only a few of the Pillars (devices that can form a bridge through space) along with their maker, Sentinel Prime. What they left behind was to serve as a trap to lure the Autobots so that they could be destroyed. It appears that the Decepticons intend to build the bridge in order to bring their devastated home planet, Cybertron, close to Earth to raid its resources and force all of the humans into slave labor to restore their home world.

This summary is but a glossover of a very good plot. It also does not mention the character development of many of the main characters. This is not simply a science fiction shoot ‘em up. It offers us a reason to care for the humans as well as the ‘bots.

Sam’s love interest this time out is Carly Spencer (Rosie Hunington-Whiteley). She is positively beautiful and perfectly suited for all of the closeups she enjoys in this film. Although having no previous acting experience she landed the job. Carly, at times, seems to overpower Sam whenever they share the screen. Another thing to watch for is Sentinel Prime whose voice is done by Leonard Nimoy. Nimoy manages to get a quote from his Spock days on Star Trek into this movie. Very clever if you catch it.

This sequal fosters a lot of familiarity with the characters and the audience. Many of the faces you will remember from the two earlier movies. This is a ploy that always works for me. One of my favorite roles is that played by John Turturro as agent Seymour Simmons. This time out he is wealthy and full of wise cracks. Be sure to stay during the early credits to see a little extra footage of him just being himself!

My only fault with the film is probably more of my fault that anything else. You see, I have trouble distinguishing between the robots during the many fight scenes. It can become aggravating to me but, once again, I take full blame. They all  have their distinctive markings, etc. but when the action heats up it all becomes a big blur. Go figure!

Rated  -  PG  -

Fatwayne’s Rating  

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