from Family Guy
"And now, you contempible harpy, I shall end your oppressive reign of matriarchal tyranny." - Stewie Griffin, "Death Has a Shadow," Family Guy
"Damn you, vile woman! You've impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb." - Stewie Griffin, "Death Has a Shadow," Family Guy
"Very well, then. Mark my words: when you least expect it, you uppance will come." - Stewie Griffin, "Death Has a Shadow," Family Guy
"I say, am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces? [claps] A little service here!" - Stewie Griffin, "Chitty Chitty Death Bang," Family Guy
"Stewart Gilligan Griffin runs from nothing!" - Stewie Griffin, "Chitty Chitty Death Bang," Family Guy
"No, it's not all right! For the love of God, shake me! Shake me like a British nanny!" - Stewie Griffin, "Mind Over Murder," Family Guy
"Good God, man! One can only imagine what foul regions that finger has erstwhile probed!" - Stewie Griffin, "Mind Over Murder," Family Guy
"No, no, no, you imbecile! That's not talc! That's paprika! Ah! Take that!" - Stewie Griffin, "Mind Over Murder," Family Guy
"Oh, enough! The only thing worse than the wretched pain in my mouth is the excrement spewing from yours!" - Stewie Griffin, "Mind Over Murder," Family Guy
"Put me down, you Brobdingnagian blunderbuss." - Stewie Griffin, "Mind Over Murder," Family Guy
"Show me the way to go home.' Everybody! 'I'm tired and I want to go to bed.' Just the women!" - Stewie Griffin, "Mind Over Murder," Family Guy
"I'm free! Free from the spell of those diabolical Teletubbies! Thank you. When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless. " - Stewie Griffin, "A Hero Sits Next Door," Family Guy
"Oh, to be the Lindbergh baby right about now. " - Stewie Griffin, "A Hero Sits Next Door," Family Guy
"Silence! Ever since you two met, you've done nothing but wax idiotic! I must escape this infernal babble!" - Stewie Griffin, "A Hero Sits Next Door," Family Guy
"What about shutting the hell up? " - Stewie Griffin, "A Hero Sits Next Door," Family Guy
"What the deuce?" - Stewie Griffin, "A Hero Sits Next Door," Family Guy
"You will bow to me. " - Stewie Griffin, "A Hero Sits Next Door," Family Guy
"Oh, very funny! Now tell the [joke] that doesn't suck! " - Stewie Griffin, "The Sun Also Draws," Family Guy
"Ooh, Jell-O. How exotic! I feel like I'm on the deck of the QE II. " - Stewie Griffin, "The Sun Also Draws," Family Guy
"Play 'Wheels on the Bus' and get the hell out of my sight. " - Stewie Griffin, "The Sun Also Draws," Family Guy
"That's funny, Mother. Just this morning you said they were lazy, like the dirty Mexicans. Just kidding. The Mexicans are a clean and industrious people with a rich cultural heritage. ['The More You Know' logo and sound] " - Stewie Griffin, "The Sun Also Draws," Family Guy
"I say, Mother, this hot dog has been on my plate for a full minute and it hasn't yet cut itself." - Stewie Griffin, "Peter, Peter, Caviar Eater," Family Guy
(to a servant) "Cut my milk!…Imbecile! Freeze it, then cut it! If you question me again, I'll put you on diaper detail. And I promise, I won't make it easy for you!" - Stewie Griffin, "Peter, Peter, Caviar Eater," Family Guy
"Oh, oh, stop it, stop it! You can't become a bloody fiscal hermit crab every time the Nikkei undergoes a correction! Asia's market has nowhere to go but up!" - Stewie Griffin, "Peter, Peter, Caviar Eater," Family Guy
"Yes, the fat man's going to Hell. And from the looks of his midsection, he'll burn like a tire dump for all eternity. Oh! I love God! He's so deliciously evil." - Stewie Griffin, "Holy Crap," Family Guy
"My, my. What a thumping good read! Lions eating Christians, people nailing each other to two-by-fours. I say, you won't find that in Winnie the Pooh." - Stewie Griffin, "Holy Crap," Family Guy
"You know, I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical, you know. A pestilence here and a plague there. Omnipotence! Got to get me some of that." - Stewie Griffin, "Holy Crap," Family Guy
"Ha! Very good, fat man! We follow the Pied Piper of Hamsteak to the gates of oblivion, and look what it's brought us! We're finished! We're done! Game over, man! Game over! Augh! Damn it!" - Stewie Griffin, "DaBoom," Family Guy
"Oh, dear me, yes, yes. This is how I wanted to enter the new millennium. Locked in a basement with imbeciles dressed like a gay Neil Armstrong." - Stewie Griffin, "DaBoom," Family Guy
"What the devil are you talking about? Handsome? I'm repugnant! I'm a radio-bloody-active freak!" - Stewie Griffin, "DaBoom," Family Guy
"Yes, yes, I do seem to have gained a bit of girth. Actually, my gullet seems to be rumbling. [Grunting] There we are. Oh, I say. I've laid an egg! Well, that wasn't so bad. I don't know what these women are always complaining about... Augh!" - Stewie Griffin, "DaBoom," Family Guy
"Yes, yes. I rather like the sash. But do the Huggies make my ass look big?" - Stewie Griffin, "DaBoom," Family Guy
(on potty training) "Listen, you, I'll use these facilities when I'm damn well ready. Until then, you shall continue to sanitize my crevasse and be damn grateful for the opportunity! Starting right...[grunting]. Well not now. But soon!" - Stewie Griffin, "Brian in Love," Family Guy
(who has peed on the carpet) "How dare you sully my good name by spreading your slanderous filth!" - Stewie Griffin, "Brian in Love," Family Guy
"I say, I say, Paco, grab a mop. For God's sake, could somebody get Patches the hell out of here before he decides to bend a fresh biscuit on the conveyor belt?" - Stewie Griffin, "Brian in Love," Family Guy
(blaming Brian for his pee) "I'm a little teapot short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up, hear me shout. Lois, it looks as if Puddles has done it again! Goodness, he's wet everything." - Stewie Griffin, "Brian in Love," Family Guy
"Oh, is that what it is? Really? Because I could have sworn it was mayonnaise and cat food! Here's 50 cents. Do me a favor, sweetheart. The next time you're out shopping, why don't you splurge on a tin of solid white albacore?" - Stewie Griffin, "Brian in Love," Family Guy
"Well! The outrages I have suffered today will not be soon forgotten! I will not be forgetting those outrages! No, no! No, they won't be forgotten! Not the…" - Stewie Griffin, "Brian in Love," Family Guy
(as Peter tries to potty-train him with the help of beer, which "goes right through ya.") "Wonderful, and while we're at it, we could light up a doobie and watch porn." - Stewie Griffin, "Brian in Love," Family Guy
(to Brian) "You're urinating! So, it's been you all along! Oh, this is too perfect! I've been taking the blame for Rex. " - Stewie Griffin, "Brian in Love," Family Guy
"Oh! Clumsy oaf! Michael Flatley must be turning over in his grave. Wait a minute. He's not dead...yet." - Stewie Griffin, "Love Thy Trophy," Family Guy
(angrily screaming) "Damn it! I want pancakes! You people understand every language except English! Yo quiero pancakes! Donnez-moi pancakes! Click-click-bloody-click pancakes." - Stewie Griffin, "Love Thy Trophy," Family Guy
"Hmmm. I squandered my munitions budget on that insipid Rugrats video! Perhaps I should seek employment. Mother teaches piano; I suppose I could as well." - Stewie Griffin, "Love Thy Trophy," Family Guy
"I don't care if they're from Kubla filthy-wretched Khan!" - Stewie Griffin, "Love Thy Trophy," Family Guy
"I'm sorry. What was that? I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. Did you just tell me what I love? Hmm? Write this down, you toad-faced frump. I love pancakes!" - Stewie Griffin, "Love Thy Trophy," Family Guy
"I've got a better idea. Let's go play 'swallow the stuff under the sink.'" - Stewie Griffin, "Love Thy Trophy," Family Guy
"No! No, I won't! Get that puree of loathsomeness away from me!" - Stewie Griffin, "Love Thy Trophy," Family Guy
"Oh, try and stop them. And try and stop Pablo's people from using drug money to buy arms from Li's countrymen, who will in turn sell them to Ura's people so they can ethnically cleanse the rest of this nauseatingly diverse grab bag of genetic party favors you call a family. So now you all understand, yes? You all hate each other?" - Stewie Griffin, "Love Thy Trophy," Family Guy
"What's that? Oh, yes. I love crack. I'm absolutely coo-coo for crack!" - Stewie Griffin, "Love Thy Trophy," Family Guy
"What's this? Blueberries? Oh, my.... Oh, that's better than sex!" - Stewie Griffin, "Love Thy Trophy," Family Guy
"Oh, but you just got here! Oh, we can stay in touch, can't we? Oh, oh, oh, what's your e-mail? Mine is LoisMustDie, all one word, at yahoo.com." - Stewie Griffin, "Death Is a Bitch," Family Guy
"No. No! I shall put you down for a nap, Mother! Blast!" - Stewie Griffin, "Death Is a Bitch," Family Guy
"Mother! Where are your manners? Don't argue with our guest! Won't you join us for dinner, Death?" - Stewie Griffin, "Death Is a Bitch," Family Guy
(to Death) "Mind? Of course she wouldn't mind. It would be an honor. No, no, no, no, it would be a privilege. I--oh, dear. Listen to me prattling on like a schoolgirl. Come, come. You, heat up some gravy for our guest! My last helping of white meat was drier than Oscar Wilde." - Stewie Griffin, "Death Is a Bitch," Family Guy
"Victory is mine!" - Stewie Griffin, "Death Is a Bitch," Family Guy
"What the deuce? Of course! It seems with Death incapacitated, my matricidal efforts are futile. I must do all I can to accelerate his convalescence. 'Knick-knack paddywhack, give a dog a bone.'" - Stewie Griffin, "Death Is a Bitch," Family Guy
"Yes. Mothers can be quite the botheration, can't they? That's why we've got to get you well." - Stewie Griffin, "Death Is a Bitch," Family Guy
"How dare you reduce my finely hewn thespian stylings to mere Mother Gooseries!" - Stewie Griffin, "The King Is Dead," Family Guy
"Siamese baby? Stewie Griffin does not play bit parts!" - Stewie Griffin, "The King Is Dead," Family Guy
(Ben Stiller: "Hello.") "What is that on your ear? Is that -- is that hair gel?" - Stewie Griffin, "The King Is Dead," Family Guy
"Yes, you can be the dumpy teenager who stays backstage and cries because nobody finds her attractive. [laughs viciously]" - Stewie Griffin, "The King Is Dead," Family Guy
"You know, Mother, as first lady of the American stage, Helen Hayes, once said: 'I'm going to kill you!'" - Stewie Griffin, "The King Is Dead," Family Guy
"Okay, okay. I've got it. If you cooked any more slowly, you wouldn't need an egg timer, you'd need an egg calendar! Oh, that's right. I went there." - Stewie Griffin, "I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar," Family Guy
"Well, the fat man made a funny. I rather enjoyed that. Yes, yes, you cook very slowly. As a matter of fact, if you were any slower at cooking you...well, you wouldn't be cooking very fast at all, now, would you? That one wasn't very good." - Stewie Griffin, "I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar," Family Guy
(Peter: "Hey Stewie, I see your bum.") "Oh, take a good look, fat man. And while you're at it, take pictures so I'll have something to bring to court, you wretched, filthy pervert." - Stewie Griffin, "If I'm Dyin' I'm Lyin'," Family Guy
(Lois: "Honey, hold still and let me bathe you. You're filthy.") "I'm filthy? I'm filthy?!? You're the filthy one. What do you say to that? How dare you!" - Stewie Griffin, "If I'm Dyin' I'm Lyin'," Family Guy
"I'll show you filthy! Yes, look at me! I'm a dirty, foul little boy! I'm a nasty, squalid little hobo! I say, Mother, you have your work cut out for you now, don't you?" - Stewie Griffin, "If I'm Dyin' I'm Lyin'," Family Guy
"Where do you think you're going? I've defiled myself. I need to be cleaned! Aah!" - Stewie Griffin, "If I'm Dyin' I'm Lyin'," Family Guy
"Blast! I'm frozen! I'm hypothermic! Bloody hell, I'm a woman!" - Stewie Griffin, "If I'm Dyin' I'm Lyin'," Family Guy
"How positively delightful. It's as if someone stabbed Mr. Bubble!" - Stewie Griffin, "If I'm Dyin' I'm Lyin'," Family Guy
(sitting in garden eating soil) "I say Rupert, these crumpets you've prepared look positively divine. Ehemm, mmm! Excellent texture, provocative support. Try another you say? Well aren't I the wicked one." - Stewie Griffin, "Running Mates," Family Guy
(being told by Lois not to eat dirt) "Oh, and I suppose the bilious curds you force fed me from your teat were perfectly fine then." - Stewie Griffin, "Running Mates," Family Guy
"Oh good Lord do you bathe in Aqua Velva?" - Stewie Griffin, "Running Mates," Family Guy
"Out of the house. Why I'd be free from your oppressive gynocracy. What the deuce are you standing here for? You should be out giving speeches shaking hands and kissing babies. [Lois kisses him] Not this baby." - Stewie Griffin, "Running Mates," Family Guy
"Cease this prattling! This campaign literature must be posted today if we are going to get you into office and out of my life you festering strumpet." - Stewie Griffin, "Running Mates," Family Guy
"Oh my, look where my hand is... I say look where my hand is. It's in a very naughty place [finger in nose] Does this not disgust you?" - Stewie Griffin, "Running Mates," Family Guy
"Now look her you loathsome cur. The matron oppressor has left me in your ward. You should be striving to thwart my loathsome misdeeds." - Stewie Griffin, "Running Mates," Family Guy
"Don't just sit there I have misbehaved. I've been a bawdy little monkey." - Stewie Griffin, "Running Mates," Family Guy
"Oh yes that's it. That's quite good. Yes I miss my mommy. I also miss colic and rectal thermometry." - Stewie Griffin, "Running Mates," Family Guy