from Family Guy
"Well honey, sagging lips are just nature's way of telling you you shouldn't have covered for your father's lie. " - Lois Griffin, "Death Has a Shadow," Family Guy
"Peter, I spent all morning cleaning up the house. And in five seconds, you turn it into low tide at the pier." - Lois Griffin, "Mind Over Murder," Family Guy
"Brian, what happened to Peter? He's not cramming hors d'oeuvres in his mouth, or asking anyone to pull his finger. That's not the man I married." - Lois Griffin, "Peter, Peter, Caviar Eater," Family Guy
"Honey, Mommy's making you some new feetie pajamas. And look, it has a little trap door for when you gotta make inky." - Lois Griffin, "DaBoom," Family Guy
"Now, Meg, don't you give it all away up front. Make him work for it. And shame on you." - Lois Griffin, "DaBoom," Family Guy
"Stewie, get out of that nuclear waste! Who knows what animals have been in there?" - Lois Griffin, "DaBoom," Family Guy
"Stewie, time for breakfast! Did you wash your tentacles, my big handsome boy?" - Lois Griffin, "DaBoom," Family Guy
"I came because I love the theater. I mean, if I just came here to enjoy watching your father be humiliated when this asinine spectacle of his is ridiculed by everyone in town what kind of person would I be?" - Lois Griffin, "The King Is Dead," Family Guy
"Oh, my God! They liked it? Stop it! Stop clapping right now! What's wrong with you? These people shouldn't be encouraged! They should be punished! That man has committed murder here this evening, and the victim's name is 'theater.' This is the kind of mind-numbing schlock that's turning our society into a cultural wasteland! This isn't art! This isn't even entertainment! This...blows!" - Lois Griffin, "The King Is Dead," Family Guy
"The only thing you create before 9:00 a.m. is exactly what you've turned my show into." - Lois Griffin, "The King Is Dead," Family Guy
"Peter, they were laughing at you because it looked like you peed yourself, not because they liked your jokes." - Lois Griffin, "I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar," Family Guy
"Typical male fantasy--women drinking beer. I guarantee you a man made that commercial." - Lois Griffin, "I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar," Family Guy
"Well as a piano teacher I know how difficult the education process can be; that's why if I'm elected I promise to fight for competent teachers and a better funded music department and updated textbooks that don't refer to the civil rights movement as trouble ahead." - Lois Griffin, "Running Mates," Family Guy
(about Peter) "Just a minute, listen to me please! This election is about our children's future. So ask yourselves what kind of future will it be if we elect a man who has never taught a student or attended a PTA meeting. This is a man who believes the plural of goose is sheep. I'm the right person for the job. Vote for me." - Lois Griffin, "Running Mates," Family Guy