from Family Guy
"Whoa, ass ahoy. Hey, Peter, it's 7:00 and you've still got your pants on. What's the occasion? " - Brian Griffin, "Death Has a Shadow," Family Guy
"Yes, your judgment lately has been rather.... Well, you have crappy judgment, anyway. " - Brian Griffin, "Mind Over Murder," Family Guy
"Ha. I don't know what's more questionable, your pitching arm or Bill Clinton's integrity." - Brian Griffin, "A Hero Sits Next Door," Family Guy
"That man has got magic fingers. He found this one spot behind my ear--forget about it. I thought my leg was never gonna stop. " - Brian Griffin, "A Hero Sits Next Door," Family Guy
"Thanks but no thanks. I've been to New York. It's like Prague sans the whimsy. " - Brian Griffin, "The Sun Also Draws," Family Guy
"You have anything on that remote lower than mute? " - Brian Griffin, "The Sun Also Draws," Family Guy
"Aargh! Yeah, you got 50 Puerto Ricans in the kitchen! Yeah, that's authentic Italian." - Brian Griffin, "Portrait of a Dog," Family Guy
"Justice. For all? Or for some? Does a dog not feel? If you scratch him, does his leg not shake? Yes, he is man's best friend. But what, what manner of friend is man? I would like to cite, if I may, the case of Plessy v. Ferguson." - Brian Griffin, "Portrait of a Dog," Family Guy
(Peter: "Hey, what are you doing with my Star Wars glass?") "Peter, when Han Solo took the Millennium Falcon to Cloud City, he found that Lando Calrissian had turned control of the station over to Darth Vader. Lando had forgotten who he was. It was only after Han was encased in carbonite and taken by Boba Fett to Jabba's palace, that he was able to see the error of his ways. Look inside yourself. You're not a Newport millionaire. I created you. In a way, I am your father." - Brian Griffin, "Peter, Peter, Caviar Eater," Family Guy
"But when I saw the movie, it looked like Audrey Hepburn not only didn't have breakfast at Tiffany's, she hadn't eaten anything in a year. I am such a bitch!" - Brian Griffin, "DaBoom," Family Guy
"Thanks a lot, Peter. Right now, I could be in Boston, pretending I give a rat's ass about Vivaldi." - Brian Griffin, "DaBoom," Family Guy
"But, you know, thanks to these sessions, I think I'm okay. Being out in the world, feeling my power, and no accidents! I've been dry for two weeks now." - Brian Griffin, "Brian in Love," Family Guy
(to a psychologist) "Doubt that! I mean, I've got a very comfortable life. I live with a great family. All my needs are met. Okay, look. So, maybe this isn't where I thought I was gonna be at 7 years old. It's just that I....God, is it okay if I smoke in here? Thanks. It's just that things don't always work out the way we plan. Do you know I've never been to Europe? Now look at me. Middle-aged, alone, and peeing in supermarkets. Man, didn't see that coming. I had this dream last night. Did you ever see Logan's Run?" - Brian Griffin, "Brian in Love," Family Guy
"Ah! Damn it to hell! This is embarrassing. I seem to have fleas." - Brian Griffin, "If I'm Dyin' I'm Lyin'," Family Guy
"You want an explanation? God. Is. Pissed!" - Brian Griffin, "If I'm Dyin' I'm Lyin'," Family Guy
"No, no, no, Peter. The light bulbs last night, my fleas, Chris' pimples. They're just like darkness, gadflies, and boils. Three of the plagues God visited upon Egypt when the Pharaoh angered him in the Old Testament." - Brian Griffin, "If I'm Dyin' I'm Lyin'," Family Guy
"Kid, you're talking to a guy who uses his tongue for toilet paper." - Brian Griffin, "Running Mates," Family Guy