(laying on the insults) "Sucker of big, brown dirty eggs...Raider of the lost fart...Masterbatorio, Soiler of Towels." - Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber
"What the hell are we doing here, Harry? We gotta get out of this town!...I'll tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talking about a little place called Aspen." - Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber
"Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense." - Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber
(to a diner waitress) "Excuse me, Flo? (cracks up) Flo, like the TV show." - Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber
(Harry: "You know what really chaps my ass though? I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog. The alarm alone cost me two hundred.") "Hey, chicks love it. It's the shaggin' wagon." - Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber
"Hit me with it! I've come a long way to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances? (Mary: "Not good.") You mean, not good like one out of a hundred? (Mary: "I'd say more like one out of a million." So you're telling me there's a chance!" - Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber
"How about you go over and introduce yourself, build me up, that way I don't have to brag about myself later. " - Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber
(Harry: "Why would she meet you in a bar at ten in the morning?") "I just figured she was a raging alcoholic." - Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber
"I said, 'Do you love me?' and she said, 'No, but that's a really nice ski mask.'" - Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber
(Harry: "I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.") "I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of sh**, man." - Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber
"I'd like to eat her liver with some fava beans and a bottle of Chianti." - Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber
"Mary...I desperately wanna make love to a school boy." - Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber
(Harry: "So you got fired again, eh?") "Oh yeah. They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, ya' know?" - Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber
(to a nice old lady doing him a favor) "Thanks. Hey, I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I'll be right back. Don't you go dying on me!" - Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber
"That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey? (Bus Stop Lady: "Austria." Austria! Well, then. G'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie!" - Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber
"The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her." - Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber
(to a waitress) "Uh, what is the Soup Du Jour? (Waitress: "It's the soup of the day." ) Mmmm. That sounds good. I'll have that." - Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber
"What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me, ending up together?" - Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber
"Why you going to the airport, flying somewhere? (Mary: "How'd you guess?" I saw your luggage, then when I noticed the airline ticket I put two and two together." - Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber
(Harry: "I can't believe we drove around all day, and there's not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!") "Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week." - Lloyd Christmas, Dumb and Dumber