"It's easy to grin, When your ship comes in, And you've got the stock market beat. But the man worthwhile, Is the man who can smile, When his shorts are too tight in the seat." - Judge Smails, Caddyshack
"I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them." - Judge Smails, Caddyshack
(Spalding Smails: "I want a hamburger...no, a cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake.") "You'll get nothing, and like it." - Judge Smails, Caddyshack