Quotes from Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(Scott Evil: 'I was thinking I like animals. Maybe I'd be a vet.') "An evil vet? ('No! Maybe like work in a petting zoo.') An evil petting zoo? ('You always do that!')" - Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism!" - Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Do you like your quasi-futuristic clothes, Mr. Powers? I designed them myself." - Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Finally, we come to my number two man. His name? Number Two." - Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"I like to see girls of that...caliber. By 'caliber,' of course, I refer to both the size of their gun barrels and the high quality of their characters...Two meanings... caliber...it's a homonym...Forget it." - Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(U.N. Representative: 'So, Mr. Evil…') "It's Dr. Evil. I didn't spend six years in Evil Medical School to be called 'mister,' thank you very much." - Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Let me tell you a little story about a man named Shh! Shh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive shh! Now, I have a whole bag of shh!' with your name on it." - Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(Scott Evil: 'I just think, like, he hates me. I really think he wants to kill me.' Therapist: 'He doesn't really want to kill you. Sometimes we just say that.') "No, actually, the boy is quite astute. I really am trying to kill him, but so far unsuccessfully. He's quite wily like his old man." - Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(Scott Evil: 'Wait, aren't you even going to watch them? They could get away!') "No, no, no. I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying. I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. What?" - Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Scott, I want you to meet daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers. (Scott Evil: 'What? Are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him?') I have an even better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death." - Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(Scott Evil: 'I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab!') "Scott, that hurts daddy when you say that. Honestly." - Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"The details of my life are quite inconsequential. My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really." - Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum. It's breathtaking, I suggest you try it." - Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"There's nothing as pathetic as an aging hipster." - Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(about his cat) "When I get angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, people die!" - Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?" - Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"You know, I have one simple request, and that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now, evidently, my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can't be done. Can you remind me what I pay you people for? Honestly, throw me a bone here!" - Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery