(as the guard returns his personal property in front of Vanessa) "('One Swedish-made penis enlarger.') That's not mine. ('One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger signed by Austin Powers.') I'm telling ya baby that's not mine. ('One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers.') I don't even know what this is! This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby. ('One book, 'Swedish-made Penis Enlargers And Me, This Sort of Thing Is My Bag Baby,' by Austin Powers.')"
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Actually, my name is Austin Powers. Danger is my middle name."
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Allow myself to introduce... myself."
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Au contraire baby, you can't resist me."
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(Basil Exposition: 'What's the other thing that scares you?') "Carnies. Circus folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands."
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby, yeah, do I?"
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Does that make you HORNY?"
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(Basil Exposition: 'Austin, the Cold War is over.') "Finally those capitalist pigs will pay for their crimes, eh? Eh comrades? Eh? ('Austin, we won.') Oh, smashing, groovy, yay capitalism!"
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"I won't bite...hard."
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"It's freedom, baby, yeah!"
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"I've been frozen for 30 years. I've got to see if my bits and pieces are still working."
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Jimi Hendrix deceased, drugs. Janis Joplin deceased, alcohol. Mama Cass deceased, ham sandwich."
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Judo chop!"
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(accidentally out loud) "My god, Vanessa's got a fabulous body. I bet she shags like a minx."
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Name? Austin Danger Powers. Sex? Yes please!"
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(Vanessa: 'Mr. Powers, my job is to acclimatize you to the nineties. You know, a lot's changed since 1967.') "No doubt, love, but as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!"
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(Vanessa: 'That's you in a nutshell.') "No, this is me in a nutshell. Help! I'm in a nutshell! How did I get into this bloody great big nutshell? What kind of shell has a nut like this?"
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"No, you're right to be suspicious! I shagged her! (Vanessa: 'What?') I shagged her rotten, baby, yeah!"
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(quipping to Vanessa after seeing a man decapitated) "Not the time to lose one's head. ('No.') That's not the way to get ahead in life. ('No.') It's a shame he wasn't more headstrong. ('Hmm.') He'll never be the head of a major corporation. ('OK, that'll do.') OK."
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Only sailors use condoms, baby. (Vanessa: 'Not in the nineties, Austin.') Well they should, those filthy beggars, they go from port to port."
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(Alotta Fagina: 'In Japan, men come first and women come second.') "Or sometimes not at all."
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(Alotta Fagina: 'Dome sake, Mr. Cunningham?') "Sake it to me baby!"
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Shall we shag now or shall we shag later?"
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"She's the village bicycle! Everybody's had a ride."
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"That ain't no woman! It's a man, man!"
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"That really hurt! I'm gonna have a lump there, you idiot! Who throws a shoe? Honestly! You fight like a woman!"
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"That's Dr. Evil's cat. (Vanessa: 'How can you tell?') I never forget a pussy...cat."
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"That's not your mother, it's a man, baby!"
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(entering the Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swingers' Club) "This is my happening and it freaks me out!"
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Well, no offense, but if that is a woman it looks like she was beaten with an ugly stick."
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(Vanessa: 'Mr. Powers, I would never have sex with you, ever! If you were the last man on earth and I was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex, simply for procreation, I still would not have sex with you.') "What's your point, Vanessa?"
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Yeah, and I can't believe Liberace was gay. I mean, women loved him! I didn't see that one coming."
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"You're switched on! You're smashing! You're shagadelic, baby!"
- Austin Powers,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(Scott Evil: 'I was thinking I like animals. Maybe I'd be a vet.') "An evil vet? ('No! Maybe like work in a petting zoo.') An evil petting zoo? ('You always do that!')"
- Dr. Evil,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism!"
- Dr. Evil,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Do you like your quasi-futuristic clothes, Mr. Powers? I designed them myself."
- Dr. Evil,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Finally, we come to my number two man. His name? Number Two."
- Dr. Evil,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"I like to see girls of that...caliber. By 'caliber,' of course, I refer to both the size of their gun barrels and the high quality of their characters...Two meanings... caliber...it's a homonym...Forget it."
- Dr. Evil,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(U.N. Representative: 'So, Mr. Evil…') "It's Dr. Evil. I didn't spend six years in Evil Medical School to be called 'mister,' thank you very much."
- Dr. Evil,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Let me tell you a little story about a man named Shh! Shh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive shh! Now, I have a whole bag of shh!' with your name on it."
- Dr. Evil,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(Scott Evil: 'I just think, like, he hates me. I really think he wants to kill me.' Therapist: 'He doesn't really want to kill you. Sometimes we just say that.') "No, actually, the boy is quite astute. I really am trying to kill him, but so far unsuccessfully. He's quite wily like his old man."
- Dr. Evil,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(Scott Evil: 'Wait, aren't you even going to watch them? They could get away!') "No, no, no. I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying. I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. What?"
- Dr. Evil,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Scott, I want you to meet daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers. (Scott Evil: 'What? Are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him?') I have an even better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death."
- Dr. Evil,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(Scott Evil: 'I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab!') "Scott, that hurts daddy when you say that. Honestly."
- Dr. Evil,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"The details of my life are quite inconsequential. My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really."
- Dr. Evil,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum. It's breathtaking, I suggest you try it."
- Dr. Evil,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"There's nothing as pathetic as an aging hipster."
- Dr. Evil,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(about his cat) "When I get angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, people die!"
- Dr. Evil,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?"
- Dr. Evil,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"You know, I have one simple request, and that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now, evidently, my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can't be done. Can you remind me what I pay you people for? Honestly, throw me a bone here!"
- Dr. Evil,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
(Austin: 'What exactly do you do, Mr. Number Two?') "That's my business. Now if you'll excuse, I have to go to the little boys' room."
- Number Two,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"They're always after me lucky charms."
- Paddy O'Brien,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab!"
- Scott Evil,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"Well, my friend Sweet Jay took me to that video arcade in town, right, and they don't speak English there, so Jay got into a fight and he's all, 'Hey quit hasslin' me cuz' I don't speak French or whatever!' And then the guy said something in Paris talk, and I'm like, 'Just back off!' And they're all, 'Get out!' And we're like, 'Make me!' It was cool."
- Scott Evil,
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery