(Meeting Larry and Kent for the first time) "A wimp and a blimp!"
- Barbara 'Babs' Jansen,
Animal House
"Greg, honey, is it supposed to be this soft?"
- Barbara 'Babs' Jansen,
Animal House
(Pinto: 'Before we go any further, there's something I have to tell you. I lied to you. I've never done this before.' You've never made out with a girl before? (Pinto: 'No. No, I mean, I've never done what I think we're gonna do. I sort of did once, but I was...') That's okay, Larry. Neither have I. And besides, I lied to you, too. (Pinto: 'Oh, yeah? What about?') I'm only 13. ) ""
- Clorette De Pasto,
Animal House
"We have an old saying in Delta House: don't get mad, get even."
- Daniel Simpson 'D-Day' Day,
Animal House
"Greg, what is the worst fraternity on this campus? (Greg: 'Well, that would be hard to say, sir. They're each outstanding in their own way.') Cut the horseshit, son. I've got their disciplinary files right here. Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode. (Greg: 'You're talking about Delta, sir.') Of course I'm talking about Delta, you TWERP!"
- Dean Vernon Wormer,
Animal House
"Mr. Kroger; two C's, two D's and an F. That's a 1.2. Congratulations, Kroger. You're at the top of the Delta pledge class. Mr. Dorfman? (Flounder: 'Hello!') Zero point two. Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son. Mr. Hoover, president of Delta house? One point six; four C's and an F. A fine example you set! Daniel Simpson Day; HAS no grade point average. All courses incomplete. Mr. Blu - MR. BLUTARSKY; ZERO POINT ZERO."
- Dean Vernon Wormer,
Animal House
"Put Neidermeyer on it. He's a sneaky little sh** just like you."
- Dean Vernon Wormer,
Animal House
(Greg Marmalard: 'But Delta's already on probation.') "They are? Well, as of this moment, they're on DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION!"
- Dean Vernon Wormer,
Animal House
"Well, well, well. Looks like somebody forgot there's a rule against alcoholic beverages in fraternities on probation! (Otter: 'What a tool.') I didn't get that, son, what was that? (Otter: 'Uh, I said, 'What a shame that a few bad apples have to spoil a good time for everyone by breaking the rules.'') Put a sock in it, boy, or else you'll be outta here like sh** through a goose."
- Dean Vernon Wormer,
Animal House
(Katy: 'Boon, I think I'm in love with a retard.') "Is he bigger than me?"
- Donald 'Boon' Schoenstein,
Animal House
(Flounder: 'I can't believe I threw up in front of Dean Wormer.') "Face it, Kent. You threw up ON Dean Wormer."
- Donald 'Boon' Schoenstein,
Animal House
(Doug Neidermeyer: 'How does it feel to be an independent, Schoenstein?') "How does it feel to be an asshole, Neidermeyer?"
- Donald 'Boon' Schoenstein,
Animal House
(Meaner dude: 'If I was in your shoes, I'd be--') "Leaving! What a good idea."
- Donald 'Boon' Schoenstein,
Animal House
(Otter: 'He can't do that do that to our pledges.') "Only we can do that to our pledges."
- Donald 'Boon' Schoenstein,
Animal House
(Hoover: 'We're in trouble. I just checked with the guys at the Jewish house and they said that every one of our answers on the Psych test was wrong.' Every one? [looks at Bluto and D-Day] Those assholes must have stolen the wrong f***ing exam!) ""
- Donald 'Boon' Schoenstein,
Animal House
"And most recently of all, a 'Roman Toga Party' was held from which we have received more than two dozen reports of individual acts of perversion SO profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here."
- Doug Neidermeyer,
Animal House
"Ah, she broke our date. (Boon: 'Washing her hair?') Dead mother."
- Eric 'Otter' Stratton,
Animal House
"Flounder, I am appointing you pledge representative to the social committee. (Flounder: 'Gee Otter, thanks. What do I have to do?') It means you have to drive us to the Food King."
- Eric 'Otter' Stratton,
Animal House
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female party guests -- we did. [winks at Dean Wormer] But you can't hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Greg -- isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen! [Leads the Deltas out of the hearing, all humming the Star-Spangled Banner]"
- Eric 'Otter' Stratton,
Animal House
"Point of parliamentary procedure! (Hoover: 'Don't screw around, they're serious this time!') Take it easy, I'm pre-law. (Boon: 'I thought you were pre-med.') What's the difference?"
- Eric 'Otter' Stratton,
Animal House
"Christ. Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the f***ing Peace Corps."
- John 'Bluto' Blutarsky,
Animal House
"Grab a brew. Don't cost nothin'."
- John 'Bluto' Blutarsky,
Animal House
"See if you can guess what I am now. [puts cottage cheese ball in his mouth and hits his cheeks with his fists and spits it out] I'm a zit. Get it?"
- John 'Bluto' Blutarsky,
Animal House
(Otter: 'Mrs. Wormer, I'm so glad you could come.') "Cut the crap. Give me a drink."
- Marion Wormer,
Animal House
"Teaching is just a way to pay the bills until I finish my novel. (Boon: 'How long you been workin' on it?') Four and a half years. (Pinto: 'It must be very good.') It's a piece of sh**. Would anyone like to smoke some pot?"
- Prof. Dave Jennings,
Animal House
"They confiscated everything, even the stuff we didn't steal!"
- Robert Hoover,
Animal House